There was no internet connection in the rump-seesion room. But I’m better than that: here is my (slightly delayed) live blogging on the rump session. No edit made, no censorship. Only beer and wine.

Rump-Session Prologue Louis Salvail (5)
25 papers submitted, 26 accepted and 1 withdrawal.
Gilles Brassard was BOOded because he didn’t understand the rule of the game.
 
Quantum communicating arbitrarily fast, far and reliably Austin Fowler (5)
Ooops, I think I missed it!
 
Unified framework for classical blah blah blah by Tonio Acin
Tony tries to speak the fastest he can and it is fast. “we try relaxation of some quantum conditions” Hey Tony, relax your own condition!
- Chairman: is there any question?
- People: Are there open questions?
 
The dependence of the ferromagnetic ordering in the degenerated electron system from the dimension Fedor Orlenko, George Zegrya and Elena Orlenko (4)
Canceled
 
Free probability techniques in quantum information theory Benoit Collins and Ion Nechita (7)
He’s speaking about random channels and non-additivity of the output entropy. And my beer starts to be too warm… Oh no, it’s empty.
 
Announcement of TQC 2010 Viv Kendon and Wim van Dam (2)
It will be held 13-15 April 2010 in Leeds, UK. Younger conference than QIP but with proceedings.
 
The Video Abstracts at Quantiki Daniel Burgarth (4)
Papers used to be less formal than nowadays: make informal video abstract of your paper, go to quantiki and publish your video!
 
Fixed-gap universal adiabatic quantum computation Ari Mizel (8)
1½ joke is supposed to be included in this talk.
PRA 63, 040302 (2001) should have had more impact, but it was published the same year than Britney Spear’s Baby One More Time…
Use ground state quantum computation with gate teleportation. Simulate a faulty quantum computation with error probability p. The gap that results is function of that probability.
 
Monotone ‘metric’ in the channel space: resource conversion approach Keiji Matsumoto (5)
Hum…
 
Entanglement-assisted communication of classical and quantum information Min-Hsiu Hsieh and Mark Wilde (8)
Denise successfully negotiated the opening of the Kitchen during the talks… Yey!
André and I unashamedly stole a bottle of red wine. I have to admit that makes me proud.
And it’s snowing outside.
 
Multiplayer XOR games with clique-wise entanglement Jop Briet (5)
That was too interesting to be blogged. Sorry folks.
 
Trade-off capacities of the quantum Hadamard channels Kamil Bradler, Patrick Hayden, Dave Touchette and Mark Wilde (8)
In real life, one has to consider Hadamard channels (the ones that break entanglement) because super-duper-activation (whatever that is) is totally unrealistic…
 
Bounds for quantum oblivious transfer reductions Severin Winkler and Jürg Wullschleger (4)
I’m trying to listen but André is bugging me… It was about OT and bit commitment and there is no paper on the arXiv yet.
 
Teleportation: The Movie Clare Horsman (6)
@qudit talk is in fact named “Graphical QM” and its about categorical quantum mechanics.  We have a movie with colorful triangles, lines, and XKCD people. (The Man With The Hat) and we are supposed to believed that this was teleportation… Anyway, after the 2^3th time, it was hilarious…
Gilles Brassard: “I invented teleportation, and after watching your movie 8 times, I still don’t understand what your movie was about.”
Clare: “Please, read the paper, it’s on the arXiv”
 
QMA with unique witnesses: an impossibility result? Andris Ambainis (8)
Remember the open question at the end of Iordanis’ talk about the relationship between FewQMA and UniqueQMA? Andris has hints it will not be answered the way Iordanis wants. (hence the quantum case will be different from the classical one)
 
ICITS 2011 Serge Fehr (2)
Will take place in Amsterdam on May, 21-24. It’s about crypto and information theory security. Classical and Quantum.
 
Generating random stabilizer states: a theorem in search of an application Scott Aaronson and David Chen (8)
Generating random generators takes O(n^4) times. More clever approche by Gottesman O(n^3). Scott and David’s result: O(Mn) times where Mn is the multiplication matrix time. The proof maps any stabilizer states into a tensor product of ‘atomic’ stabilizer states.
Open problem: is that useful? Can we do better?
 
Nigel & Mary - A love story Katherine Brown, Clare Horsman, Viv Kendon and Bill Munro (5)
How to make cluster states sexy. In the slide, Nigel is looking under the dress of Mary. Is that sexy? “Odd women are difficult to deal with” The slide about “fault-tolerant” pictures Nigel & Mary arguing.
The talk was sexy, but I don’t know what it was about…
 
Announcement of Quantum Communication Workshop 2010, UNIK, Kjeller, Norway Sara Felloni (2)
Sarah is not here since she “met some guy somewhere” (Renato Renner)
 
The Impotence of Nonlinearity: Why closed timelike curves and nonlinear quantum mechanics don’t improve quantum state discrimination, and haven’t been shown to dramatically speed up computation, if computation is defined in a natural, adversarial way Charles Bennett, Debbie Leung, Graeme Smith and John Smolin (8)
I see a pumpkin butt on the screen.
This talk is about time travel, and more precisely about Scott’s talk last year at QIP, where he proved that BQP_CTC = BPP_CTC = PSPACE and how we can use CTC to distinguish non-orthogonal states.
Charlies’s point: these consequences are illusional.
“Time travel can make you impotent”
Question: “Is it the first time that a penis appears on a slide at QIP”?
 
Advertisement for poster 56 of Thursday January 21 Marco Piani, William Matthews and John Watrous (3).
Canceled
 
Bounds on the probability of transformation between multipartite pure states Wei Cui, Wolfram Helwig and Hoi-Kwong Lo (7)
It’s time to go to eat. No meat any more: I have to eat carrots.
 
You’re Telling Me The Uncertainty Principle Is Wrong? Joseph Renes, Roger Colbeck, Mario Berta, Matthias Christandl and Renato Renner (7)
It’s a 3-person dialog. And it is funny.
 
Learning quantum states coherently (and adaptive quantum compression) Robin Blume-Kohout and Sarah Croke (4)
“Now, it is the drunk part of the rump-session” That is not totally false.
“On this photo you can see koalas on a stick”.  I can assure you that this was not, and in any way, related to the talk.
“Here are some sheep”
“That’s me fishing” (still not related)
“That’s a quantum robot” (still not related even if there is the word quantum in it)
 
Quantum Money Andrew Lutomirski and et al. (7)
-        The bank can print it
-        Anyone can verify it
-        No one can copy it
“Scott published a way to do that. We broke it. Life goes on.”
 
The Next Quantum Frontier Todd Brun (5)
“Does forgetting your umbrella makes it more likely to rain?”
New fields in quantum computation:
  1. choose a topic that has never jhad the word “auntum”
  2. ex: animal husbandry
  3. insert quantum in it.
  4. Ex: quantum animal husbandry
  5. Apply for funding!
Quantum mechanics rules! Thanks you all. And good night!